Zbrush – The use of 3D in Illustration

3D work in Comics

I came across an interesting notion that Z-brush could be used not only for illustration, a fact which I had come across before, but for comics. This is something that I hadn’t considered before I began researching this topic. I am very intruded with the way that comics are made, and the idea that I can make set pieces that I can turn and maneuver to fit a shot is something that is very intriguing to me.

The process doesn’t seem hard, though it does look like it would take some time to do. It is half a trick of the lighting system, and half the work of particular shaders from what I understand. The combination of these things is what will create stylized renders. This can be anything from line art, to more complex images. 

Above is an image of a 3D model made in Zbrush that is rendered out to look like line art. This was a common concept that I found. Below is an image that was made in with both Zbrush and Photoshop. You can find out more about it here.

After reading up on this concept and watching several videos, I decided to give it a try. However, I quickly realized that Zbrush doesn’t come equipped with materials that will do stylized renders in the vein of comic illustration that I researched. This means that the material either needed to be found on the internet, or be created by the user. Since I have never created materials from scratch, I did not try that, as I wanted to focus on how they interacted with a mesh. Instead I took an existing material and changed its texture. I did this first with the outline material, inversing the white on black to black on white.

 I quickly saw that this wouldn’t work well with all models. This kind of ‘inking’ is meant for models that have more to their edges. After the human, I turned to a of a hard surface model to compare the difference and found that the greater detailed model did allow for more lines to show, which in turn allowed the render to look better. It helped as well hat I had edited the material, using the sliders in a drop down menu to bring out different effects. 

After I had done all I could do with the materials available to me, I found a couple online that I decided to try out. It was amazing to me how man different ways a single material could be applied. Though the following may not look it, they are the same material. I changed some of the settings on the material without changing any textures, and was able to come up with this.

After researching this kind of use for Zbrush, I have to say that I am surprised that I hadn’t come across it before. I think this something that I would like to do more of, as I can already imagine how stylized rendering could change the way I plan out comics. I feel as if a new possibility has just opened up before me, and am interested to see where it leads.

Life hands you lemons and you make Lemonade

I have never understood the above phrase. Never. What's wrong with lemons? I would think, lemons are great. They can do so much! There are much more useless things that life can be described as. I mean, what about brussels sprouts? Nobody likes those, even if you can cook them. Or spinach, because while I happen to like spinach, not everyone does, especially not children. And then there is the dreaded broccoli and cauliflower. The food that isn't food. My point is, sometimes life is a bed of roses, or sometimes it is Dorthy and her yellow brick road. Dangers and obstacles make the travel difficult at times, but nothing particularly life threatening or extremely dangerous (because really, how dangerous can a witch be if water makes her melt?) happens.

It is my opinion that life is not ever easy. Sometimes it is kind, sometimes it is empty, sometimes it is as sour as a lemon. But it is not easy.

Today I overslept and had to fight to stay calm. And when I say fight, I really, really mean FIGHT. The moment I realized I was late, (at this school such things like attendance matters) I jumped out of bed and started rushing to get ready. From the moment I saw the time, I could feel my lungs constricting. My heart raced, and I knew that a migraine was on its way. I had to force myself to stop. To think. To asses the situation.

NO matter what I did I would be out on the attendance by 2 hours.

Which meant that I had time to get ready, to shower and eat and CALM DOWN. Because, really, I was close to crawling back into bed and pretending that morning never came. If I let myself think about it, I would have broken down and started sobbing. I would have started to shake, and twitch and probably count in fours. I would have fallen apart and quite possibly not made it to class at all.

So, for once, my ability to shut down my brain actually helped me. I didn't think as I showered except to decide how I would go about talking to the teacher, as what I was missing was quite important. That was all I thought about, over and over again as I got ready. Basically, I was on autopilot. Every five minuets or so,  my autopilot would malfunction and I would freeze, the panic rising in me. The fears and anxiety that I fight on a regular basis waring with reason.

I was still close to tears as I walked to school. I didn't even go to class right away, but went to the bathroom to force myself to stand still and breath for a few minuets so that I could get through the day without the attack coming.

This, for those of you who don't know, is a common thing in my life, and has been for years. Until recently I didn't have a name for the things I experience. I didn't have the ability to describe what it was like to be me. I am constantly anxious, and sometimes I cannot calm myself down. Sometimes I am so close to tears that I fear the day that I cry in the middle of class. (Truly, I half expect this to happen on the days that are really, really bad). I worry about things a lot, which is odd because that has never been how I describe myself. But it is true. The thing is, after years- and I am talking since childhood- of dealing with varying levels of anxiety, I learned to cope in some very strange and interesting ways. While the tricks and deep breaths don't always work, and sometimes I will find myself counting 1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4, I at least understand now why I do such strange things. And that is almost as nice as not having to deal with anxiety at all. I repeat: almost.

So, I say it again. Life is not easy. Some days I can hardly get out of bed. Today was one of those days, and because of it, I was late to class. And all I could think of was, how in the world do I explain it to the teacher? And because I couldn't, and even now have no idea how, I said nothing.

For me, sometimes I feel the best way to deal with my anxiety is to ignore it. For the most part it is manageable. But since starting college, it has gotten worse. And there are many days where I don't know how to deal with it. There are many days where my migraines are so bad that by the time I get home, I can hardly think or speak. (That is not an exaggeration. There are some days where words, spoken or written are hard for me.) And such days only make my anxiety worse.

Life is not easy. Not in the least. Take it from someone who is in pain all the time, someone who deals daily with anxiety attacks and occasionally panic attacks. Someone who knows what it is like to have a migraine that lasts for two months. Life is not easy. So, my question tonight is how to take this not-easy-life and make it the best we can? I'm not asking you to make lemonade out of lemons, but perhaps there is something else you can do, something that will make you and those around you smile.

Because really, sometimes we have to show ourselves that there is more to life than (insert your own thought here). 

A New Adventure Begins!

Did you know....I moved to Florida?

Imagine this. A basement apartment. Hot summer days spent walking thirty minutes or so one way, afternoons of Judging Amy (anyone remember that show?) and cooking. I was always so tired after those walks home, since the heat seemed to seep inside of me and zap my energy. I liked watching the show right after I got home, though I couldn't ever watch more then two episodes before I got restless. I had to do something with my time. But what? My life wasn't interesting enough to blog about, and hadn't been since I left Wales. I have started many times to put up a post, but none of them found their way onto the blog. I felt like I was wasting away, though at the same time it was refreshing to not have to do anything for a time. It was something that I needed very badly. Anyway, back to that basement apartment. It was last year, August. My mind started thinking, which of course means that I started to plan. Started to wonder what, exactly, I wanted from life. For a long time, I told no one what I was thinking. It was easier that way, because I could decide one thing or another and not have to worry about going back on what I decided. I do this a lot with the things I cook. I'll decide to cook chicken, but then at the last minuet change my mind and cook something else.

You might be wondering what these things have to do with Florida. And the answer is nothing. Not directly at least. All I knew is that I wanted to leave Iowa. I knew this for a very, very long time. Before ever returning there, I knew I would leave again.  That's why, when I began thinking about my future, I knew that my life would not continue in that basement apartment. I wanted to leave, and late in September I knew what I truly wanted was to go to college. For a long time I never thought I would. I often feel that college is a waste of money, time and energy. And while I still have strong opinions of college, I find myself attending one now.

At first I thought I'd become a social worker, and work with at-risk youths. I love children, and will put much of my energy towards them in one form or another. However,  after researching this option, I realized that it was not what I wanted. It was the influence of so many episodes of Judging Amy that was getting to me. I think I knew by October that I wanted to go in a very different direction. Instead of becoming a social worker, I have decided to go into the arts. Specifically animation. And so now, a year after me and my sister moved in together, I found myself leaving to living near the edge of the US. I am now here, in Florida, pursuing a bachelors degree in Computer Animation. I am a week into classes, and already love this. It is a challenge, and a demanding schedule, but I have found something that fits me. Something that I love.

Imagine this. A second floor apartment, kept cool by drawn shades and A/C. Music-  or an audio book- playing softly in the background. Currently, I am listening to Yiruma. Art supplies scattered around me on the coffee table. My sketchbook is filling up page by page. Photoshop, Maya, and other programs necessary to my degree are on my computer. The scent of fresh-baked shortbread cookies lingers in the air. I sit here and wonder: How did this happen? How am I here now?

I cannot believe  that I have been blessed like this. I can only pray that I stay focused on this goal and do not get overwhelmed. This is my chance to take the gifts I have been given and hone them to become something more.




So what about you? As the new school year begins across the US, what adventures await you this year? What will you do with your life now? You don't have to have the answers, you only need to take a step in the direction you want to go. You might just be surprised but how your life is transformed by the One who Loves.

Writing My way Through Life

The other day, I was listening to an audiobook that was more of a podcast, if you ask me. Which no one is, but still. The audiobook is by Ted Dekker and it is all about writing. Here is the NoiseTrade link, for those of you who want to get it.  The book is about how Ted views writing. I am a long time Ted fan, though his books are very different from what I usually read. It was through his books that I came to understand things about God on a level so personal, there are no words for me to explain. The reason I mention this book is because of something Ted says. When asked why he writes, what his purpose is, his answer is one that resonates within me. He writes to find out about himself, to figure his own mind/body/soul/spirit out. When he writes for others it always falls apart; words become a battlefield that have to be hashed out and torn through.

Recently, I have been having an issue with my writing. As some of you may know, I have been writing a novel since NaNoWriMo in 2013. My goal was to finish it this year, to start looking for an agent who could help me get published. I love my book. And yet, right now I can’t write. Why? Why is it so very hard to write a story that I know so well?

The problem isn't even just my novel. I am having issues writing period. (Has anyone else noticed the lack of updates for the last several months??) Even my journal is empty. Somewhere along the way, the words died before I could even feel them in my blood. If what Ted says about writing is true- that it is a discovery of self- then does that mean that the issue is that I don't want to discover anymore?

Maybe, says a little voice within me. Maybe.

This is what my novel is to me: It is a story about a girl who is born in darkness. A girl who is more or less cursed. She has magic. Magic that can't be contained or controlled. Everyone fears she will destroy the world. And yet, she is not evil. She is not a villain. She is a girl.  My story is a question: When there is nothing but darkness, can the light still survive? Can it save the girl who knows only darkness and fear and pain?

Perhaps my novel is a metaphor. Perhaps it reflects the struggles I face- along with a billion other people. Maybe I won't be able to finish it until I can answer the question for myself and believe the answer. My novel is a question. But so is life. Life's questions differ for every person. My novel is bigger than me, it is bigger than a single life. I cannot write if I forget myself. It would only be half of what it could be. Half is not very much at all, it is a shadow. An unfinished thought.

I have to find myself again. I have to find why the words died. Words are key to discovery. I must remember that any act of writing is a way to discover myself, to discover the world around me, and to tie them together.

It is time to face myself.

Writing Tips:

1. Write about anything

3. Daydream whenever the chance comes

4. Write anywhere

2. dOn't bE AfrAId to gEt thIngs wrOng.

I could be a Goat Herder

I got home back on the 6th and spent that week thinking while doing all I could to NOT think. (Not very well, if you want to know).  First I made banana pancakes- which are more like banana bread, but with syrup and chocolate chips and in Pancake form.  Then I read two books while making reservations, going to Starbucks and Panera Bread (its still too early for the summer salad that I love) and preparing stir fry (my way is the strangest, yummiest, not-like-any-other stir fry you've ever had, guaranteed) and I made oatmeal peanut butter pancakes that I thought might be cookies but were really pancakes. They were good, if a bit dry. (Chocolate chips made it better.) Next time perhaps I will combine the two- peanut butter banana pancakes anyone? In the near future (say, perhaps tomorrow...always tomorrow) I will be making the worlds greatest peanut butter icing-- should it be called something else? I have big plans for it, but you will have to wait and see what those are.

Now, you must be questioning what is going on with me. How did my not-thinking go if it was impossible for me to not-think? That is a fantastic question. Should I address it? I would rather not, but when did anyone get anywhere by going in circles? I dislike that way of doing things- and I have the authority to dislike it, as I do things in a circular way. All the time. I am doing it now. One would think that eventually I would understand it is easier, in theory, to go in a straight line. That idea seems so far off..... I digress. We were supposed to be talking about plans. My plans. You know, the whole 'What is God saying in your life, now that you aren't doing the one thing you thought you would be doing?'

How many of you have faced that, or something similar? I would think most of you have- certainly over half of the people who come across this page have some type of experience of not being where they want, doing what they want, when they want to be doing it. Do you you see it though- if life is about doing What I want, then where does that leave God's greatest commands - Love God and Love Others? Like really, I want to know. Where does it stop being what I want, and start being what God wants?

Unfortunately, I don't have the answer to that. I can't give anyone a magic wand that will sort out all their problems. If I had that, do you think I would still be here? No, I would be in the far reaches of some jungle doing something amazing. (Who knows what a jungle has to do with any of it) But don't you see- If I am doing what God wants, then even if I am in a place I don't really want to be, I am still in the best place possible for me. Which is a tough pill to swallow, believe me. If I could change things and go with my team out to Croatia, and Greece and Cardiff, I would be there in a heartbeat. And yet, God has clearly said that is not where I need to be.

How do I do it? How do I Love God in this situation? How do I Love others? What is the hardest thing to do, what is the best? (Are they the same, or different?) Where is God's voice in all of this? Am I where I need to be, or is this a momentary stop in a bigger journey? As these and other questions circle in my mind, I feel more than a little bit lost. Because you know, there is a whole lotta possibilities out there. And all I have to do is choose one.

Let me say that again:

I HAVE TO CHOOSE.

Anyone who has spent time around me probably realizes that making choices is not one of my strong suits. It seems that I get worse at it the older I get. It's fine when I KNOW what I want. Like lemonade. I almost always get lemonade when I go out to eat because I know when I want it. At the moment, though, I don't know WHAT I want. It's like I order lemonade, only to realize too late that what I actually wanted was apple juice. Lemonade and apple juice don't mix. With that thought in mind I won't get either lemonade or apple juice, I will get oh-so-boring water. With Ice. Why? Because it's easy, safe, familiar. And if I am picking my beverages based on something like that, then it makes me so much more weary of making important choices. Which, I think, leaves me with the water all over again. My point is, things are....difficult. However, there is a solution to my problem that may work. I need to take away things in order to find what I am truly in need of doing. It's like picking between two snacks with eeni-meeni-minee-mo, and when you land on one you can feel it- that you want it, but not as badly as the other- unless you choose the one that you really, really want the first time around. But you can feel that too. Perhaps choosing for me can be the same. Because none of my choices are bad- even if some are more boring than others, if it is the right thing, then it is the right thing. It is impossible to live without water. (Which is my way of saying that there has to be boredom for there to be adventure).

In the end I have a question for you: What do you, or did you, choose? Is that place where you are far from what you had thought you would be doing? How do you respond? Okay, that was more than one question. While you mull over that, why not read today's list?

To Do:
1) Talk to God about the Possibilities
2) Take away possibilities
3) If I don't do x, how do I feel?
4) How does doing Y make me feel?
5) Make up new possibilities if none of the old ones fit.
6) If I still can't make up my mind, put all the possibilities in a hat and draw one.
7) Do it. Whatever I pull from above hat, or if I manage to choose on my own.
8) Finish this list by next week. Like Monday or Tuesday.
9) Talk to God about whatever I pulled from the hat. But don't overthink things.
10) Dance Party. But only if the list is complete.

A Thousand Falling Stones

I hear them falling. The stones, I mean. They fall from the sky, bruising my skin. My heart. They fall from my eyes like tears. I am alone. The stones gather at my feet, they fill the room with their tinkling song. No matter the words that were spoken- the words I can't hear above the noise- the rocks will continue to fall. Each rock, no matter how small, means something. Many are my fears. Some are hopes. Only a couple are from what could have been. Stones born of dreams and shiney things. Most of those stones- the ones I had been gazing upon before the sky opened up and began to chuck more down at me-  were shattered. As if dropped from great heights, they have scattered far and wide. What I thought would be, is not, and what wasn't, is.

That is my very creative way of saying what is currently on my mind. If I say it too plainly, I may burst into tears (again) and would rather be mysterious about it. But the truth is, you deserve to know. That mean saying it in plain words. And it needs to be me that says it, before it is too late and I run out of time.

There has been some major changes to my life recently.

First, outreach has started. These great guys will be in Croatia by now. It is a very sad thing for me, as I will not be joining them. I am, instead, headed back to the states on Monday. There are many reasons for this, the most important one being God. As of now, he has other things planned for me. I am not failing the DTS- the outreach I will do is simply in the future instead of right now.

There is so much on my mind right now. I don't have the ability to say all I want to say- so instead I will tell you all a short story.

There were once five ducklings, a bear, a robin, a Great Horned Owl and a burrowing owl. The ducklings had the habit of following the bear, though sometimes they followed the robin as well. One day the five ducklings were told 'It is time, you will go on a long journey soon.' In preparation the fluffiest duckling was shaved, the sleepiest duckling caught a few extra z's. One duckling figured out the necessary statistics for their flight patterns (the bear refused to let them ride him the whole way to where they were going). One duckling sat back and noticed all that the others did. The last duckling- the one that had a habit of chasing butterflies- started to get ready, preparing notes, pasting words on the walls. (Because traveling required they learn extra words). But in the days before their first flight it was found out that that duckling needed to stay behind. There would only be four journeying together with the others (except for the Great Horned Owl, who had to leave to greater lands and adventures).  Her preparations ceased. She began to question everything and anything she could. At first she resisted it, wanted it to be false, a joke. It was not. This duckling, the smallest of them all, had to go back to where she came from. So she climbed up onto a rock and spoke to the others. "Goodbye," she said. "May God bless you and keep you safe." She could not give a grand speech then, no matter how she would have liked to. So she kept her words simple, and she lifted her beak high. Even if she was not going with the others, she was not without.

-- Farewell, ducklings, I will miss you. 

The LIST:
1) I might be leaving the DTS, but that doesn't mean I will stop having adventures. I will still update this and let you know what's happening with me.
2) I am very grateful to my staff. They are amazing, and often challenged me to be more than I believed I could be. I will miss you guys as well!
3) I found that I am not good at goodbyes
4) Like really really bad
5) So bad that I don't even say what I want to say because it gets stuck half formed in my brains.
6) And it only finishes forming once the goodbyes are done and everyone is gone.
7) No matter who you are, where you are at, or what you are doing, if you follow Christ you are blessed to be a blessing. I remind myself of this- no matter that things aren't following the plans, I am still so very blessed.
8) WATCH OUT. One of these days you'll see; I'll be flying highest of them all. ;p
9)And finally....
10)The type of sappy quotes I want to make, just because I can:

"This isn't the end. This isn't even the beginning of the end. However, this is the end of the beginning."
- Winston Churchill

“In the middle I want to be at the end, at the end I want to be in the beginning, and in the beginning I want to be in bed.” 
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Really, though. This is just the beginning of a New Adventure. See you there.
-A-

Goodbye Loneliness: An Accidental Letter

This is it. I am putting to rest everything that I have held tight. I am giving it to you, God, right now tonight. I am saying goodbye to loneliness, pain, hurt, rejection (especially rejection). I am dumping them at the curb and letting them go out with the trash. I am releasing it all. I am so very done with such things!

Why am I turning on the light and writing this? Is it some resolution to never-ever-think-about-dating? Because that is what I was thinking about when I started this.... Or is it a twisted every-thing's-fine game? Am I saying goodbye to the loneliness of being single, or the loneliness of being....me? Not sure I know the answers, or even that I want to know. And yet, I keep coming back to this subject. It's true, though, I am fed up with feeling lonely.

Aloneness is something that I am familiar with. And not just in an "Oh she just-needs-space" kind of way. No. Childhood, for me, was a lake full of still water. If any ripples came it was rare, and chace worthy. But the ripples aways faded. I was always, in the end, left alone. On the playground, in the classroom. Even to some degree, by my siblings. Worse still, I have come to expect it. I expect everyone to leave me. To be left behind and forgotten. I expect to be the last thought on the mind of a friend; I am surprised everytime I am told 'Oh, yeah I was thinking about you the other day' or 'I was praying for you.' And because I have grown expecting rejection, distance, pain and hurt, I see it where it isn't. This past week especially I have been fighting with myself.

I hear words and instantly my brain tells me that something else was said. My emotions read into the 'real words' and messes with them, telling me what that person actually means. And my brain is completely overtaken, convinced that the words spoken were different. That in some way I am not wanted, an annoyance, in the way, and unnecessary. That the best thing to do is to go away, because they can get on without me.  

And that is just Stupidity at work within me. I reject those thoughts when I notice them, and shake them off. I know for a fact that my team Needed Me this past week. But, I still struggled with feeling Lonely.

Until recently, I didn't understand that the reason I could feel rejected was because I wanted love. Someone told me that the problem starts with not knowing that one is loved by God. But I have experienced his love recently, and known it. The thing is- I want more. To love and be loved in return. To be truly seen. And to find beauty there. I desire to Know and be Known. Wanting that, wanting it to the point that I have been in tears, I have yelled and groaned and prayed so much- that type if wanting is dangerous. Because the more I want it, the harder it is to surrender. Because if I want to be loved, then I have to be open to it. If I want to be seen. I too have to look. The only time love is ever one-way with no strings attached is when God looks at all his creation- even those that do not know him.

Who, after all, can fill this desire within me? Who, other than God himself, can satisfy me?

That is why I am saying goodbye to loneliness. I won't let you in anymore. Yes, I am single. Yes, all my life I have had very few close friends. Yes, I have been broken by this world. But so what? You see, I've figured something out. Jesus is BIGGER than my hurts, imagined or real. He accepts me for who I am, not what I do. He loves me for me.

Can he fill this desire within me? The desire to be loved without question, to be known and to know. To be filled up to the point that love comes from me in the same manner! The conclusion I have come to is; YES. God is so big and amazing that when he made Me with this desire for love, he was always waiting to fill that desire. He loved me from the start, but until I sought out his love, it was a mystery to me. Until I opened my heart to him, I could not know the Truth About Love.

So once again I will say it- Jesus. All I need is you. YOU made me in your image. It begins with you. Jesus you said, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ and  ‘Love your neighbor as yourself." I love God because he first loved me. I love others because I know that I am loved.

I put to rest this desire, the rushing wind that says 'You are Twenty-Two, your friends are getting married, what about you?' I don't need marriage to be satisfied. I don't need a 'significant other' to be significant. And if I did, then that would be an issue. Jesus is my rock. My steady peace. My Prince.

Good-bye loneliness, I won't be your friend anymore. Get away from me, rejection! I have found something better to keep me company. He is funny, likes to play and always listens to me. He promises, over and over that he will never-ever leave me. His name is Jesus and he loves me. Just because he can.

And I love him.


Why I love Jesus
He Loves Me
He Loves Me so much that he Saved ME
He saved me because he loves me because he Made ME
He Is God
He is good. And he promised me, from the very start, that he would never leave me.


-A-